A Message to the Body Shamers out there (including healthcare professionals, family, friends, and strangers):
Hi, I'm Tatiana. I'm your [insert relationship: patient/child/friend/spouse]'s dietitian. My patient has told me about you and your comments during our appointment. They expressed feeling hurt, shame, and/or embarrassment about their weight due to your remark. I understand that you are trying to help, perhaps even motivate them. I must inform you that body-shaming does all harm and no good. Weight loss is NOT easy. Healthful, permanent weight loss is a colossal obstacle, especially when my patient is struggling with body image (which is 90% of my patients).
To The Healthcare Professional:
My patient was told to lose weight at your medical clinic (likely because their BMI was above 30). The patient brought back the already-known information to our nutrition session. "The doctor said I need to lose weight. I should reduce calories and exercise more." What you didn't know: My patient was too embarrassed to tell you that they are already in the process of making healthful lifestyle changes.
I ask you to change your approach. Before you go on preaching the ineffective calorie-in/calorie-out method for weight loss, ASK your patient what lifestyle changes he/she has already made (don't even bring up their weight). They may ask you for some additional advice, sensing a safe, open environment. If you don't have time to discuss weight loss, ask if they have ever met with a dietitian. If not, write a referral. If yes, don't worry, they are likely in good hands.
To The Parents:
Never ever, ever use the F-word (fat) in front of my patient. Don't even use that word to describe yourself or another person. You may think it's helpful to remind them about their weight and health, but to be the bearer of bad news, it does not motivate them whatsoever. In fact, it hinders their progress in practicing positive body image. Did you know that positive body image is associated with weight loss? Probably not. We live in a shame-filled society. The least you could do is avoid adding on to that shame. You play a role in my patient's success. Words are powerful. Shame is real and dangerous. I discuss this reality with them during our sessions together, in a safe, non-judgemental environment. Please, do your best to create this same environment at home. Be encouraging and tell them the positive truth: Your daughter/son is making progress and they are enough just the way they are.
To The Stranger:
Take a moment to think about the pain and hurt you have experienced in your life (if you deny hurt/sadness, then you may be a psychopath or have alexithymia: unable to feel emotions). You are NOT the only one who experiences bad days. Every person you come in contact with is struggling with something (death of a loved one, relationship problems, negative body image, etc.). I would think that judging my patient would be the last thing on your mind. However, sometimes you forget the reality of normal life struggle and embarrass my patient. Perhaps you assumed that my patient doesn't give a flying f**k about their health (which your body language and look gave away). You may have looked at the items in their grocery cart in a disapproving manner. You may have even avoided looking at them in the eye, pretending they weren't there.
I ask you to treat every person you meet with kindness. Make eye contact and smile. Acknowledge their existence! You do not know what they are going through. Your smile could ignite my patient's will to continue the process of gaining health.
To The Friend:
The type of relationship you have with my patient is crucial to their success. I hope you have an honest, real relationship. I hope he/she can come to you for comfort and reassurance. Allow my patient to talk aloud and honestly about his/her body image. Let them excitedly share their progress on making healthful lifestyle changes. Please, avoid talking about fad diets and losing 10 lbs in a week with him/her. The diet mentality doesn't work. Dieting doesn't work. Calling yourself fat doesn't work. Buying into the billion-dollar industry is just helping the enemy.
To The Intentional Body Shamers:
I can see right through you without even looking at you. There's insecurity that lives deep within you. I highly recommend looking at yourself before you cast any stones at my patient. My patient has been fixing the damage you've done during our sessions together. If you are interested in bettering yourself so you may be kinder to others, I recommend reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.
We live in a sick, diet-culture. Working closely with weight loss patients has opened my eyes to the psychological component of losing weight.
From Psychology Today: "80% of U.S. women don’t like the way they look, 50% attribute it to weight and 34% of men are equally dissatisfied with themselves."
Body shaming is cruel and cheap. Your words have deeply affected my patient and your [insert relationship]. You have created more obstacles on my patient's journey to lose weight. Do your part in making the world a better place by not giving in to the insecure, weak world we live in. Help me take down the diet culture by practicing positive body image and self-love.
To My Patient:
I'm so sorry that you have experienced body-shaming from family, friends, and strangers. This is not your fault. I know you care about your health; After all, you've sought out help by seeing me. I have hope that you will succeed in making healthful lifestyle changes so that you may return to a natural weight. Do your best to question the diet culture and to loosen the tight chains around your mind. You are worthy now. Love your body now. It's a positive truth that your body has brought you this far in life, so be grateful. You can love your body AND make lifestyle changes at the same time. Respect yourself. And always remember what you CAN control. You may not be able to control the body-shamers. But you can control how you respond. Forgive and remind yourself of the positive truth.
